January 2006

Double ear infection, strep throat and a whopper of a cold sore. Poor little buddy. It's so sad...but I have to give the little guy credit, he has a pretty high tolerance for pain. He and I had a little talk about that. I simply told him that if he's not gonna talk and tell us that his ears feel clogged and it hurts to swallow, he better start making more of a fuss so we know. We all (myself, Kenny and my mom) thought that he just had a cold. He wasn't acting sick...just a little cranky.

I spent this past weekend in Vegas (a much-needed trip) and according to my mom, Jakob spent a lot of time saying "mamamama"...especially when he wasn't getting his way. I sure like to get reports like that...

Right now, he's up on the landing where I still have a bunch of lighted evergreens for him and he's playing with his alphabet puzzle. For added ambiance, I have a Sesame Street cd playing. Ernie's singing that song about visiting the moon. It's a ballad...nice and slow. The whole listening to music thing is pretty new. I set it up a few weeks ago...cd player on the landing with the speakers facing the 2-story family room. He really digs it. It took him about 5 seconds to figure out how to play, stop, fast forward, skip disc, adjust the volume and turn on the 3-disc changer. Turkey butt. Too smart for his own good. In fact, he just shut it off and is setting up the table to play with his marble run...very exciting.

The marble run is another story. He gets the stepping stool first and places it exactly where he wants it under the table in the eat-in kitchen. Then he takes out the little tray that we build the marble run on and puts it in its place. (As always, everything has a place and an order...routine is everything.) Once the tray is in its place, he seeks out the closest adult and leads them to the laundry room where the marble run is stored. Since we have a childproof thingy on the doorknob, he has to ask for help. If I'm the lucky grown-up, I ask him what he wants, he usually signs "open" for me and I try to get him to at least say "O". If I get a really good "O" out of him, I'll ask him to say "open" and I'll get "O-EH"...it's so cute. We're getting closer and closer to language every day. Anyway, once he has his marble run, it's go-time. He always builds the base and the very top the same way. The middle section varies. There are so many things I like about the marble run...my favorite part is the patience he displays. I remember the days when if one tiny piece of a toy didn't do what he wanted it to, he would melt down. Now he just fixes it when it breaks. It's a beautiful thing. Problem solving at its finest.

Jakob cracks me up every day...he's a very busy 4-year-old. He has a lot to do and not much time to do it. I've never seen anyone pay so much attention to detail. He notices every little change in his environment and if one little thing is out of place, he'll fix it. My favorite routine to watch is getting ready for bed...arrange the pillows, move the comforter, toss the blankies, get his sippy cup, give me a kiss, read a book, dim the light, adjust more pillows, give me a hug, hide under the comforter, read another book, play with his cars, brush his teeth, find his sippy, read one more book, turn out the light, dive under the comforter and wait for his kiss goodnight. He's busy...very busy...lots to do...

I realize that I haven't posted an entry since the end of November. I've sat down several times and started to write something but haven't been able to finish. There has been a lot going on in my home that I haven't been able to talk about in this journal and it would have been impossible for me to talk about Jakob without bringing up what's been going on...(I hope that makes sense). Thankfully, there has been a resolution and I believe it's for the best. Kenny and I have decided to divorce. It's amicable and mutual and I know we're doing the right thing for everyone involved, including Jakob. Kenny and I will be great friends and we will continue to co-parent Jakob. We both know how important it is for us to get along...the three of us will always be family, we just won't be living together.

It's very important to me to say that no one is at fault here. Neither of us is to blame. Neither of us has done anything that is unforgivable. We are simply too different...incompatible.

Needless to say, there will be some changes around here. Kenny will stay close by and I'll be getting a new roommate. My aunt from Florida is moving up here to live with me and help with Jakob. Aunt Sandy and I are very close and we've lived together before so we know how it's gonna go. I'm going to do everything in my power to make this transition as smooth as possible for Jakob. I have every confidence that it can be done.

As soon as everyone is settled, I will make the time for this journal. Bragging about my precious son and connecting with other families living with autism are two of my favorite things to do. They are two things that I need to do to help myself feel complete...

-Jenn