November 16th, 2004

Due to the overwhelming response I received after talking on the air about my son, Jakob, I decided to start this journal. To those of you who reached out to me, I cannot thank you enough for your kind words and support. Anyone who has a child with special needs knows how much it means to talk to someone who understands. Your understanding has made me a better mother and a stronger person. Thank you. Hopefully, this journal will help other families who are facing similar circumstances and bring them strength and courage.
My son Jakob is my greatest joy. I never imagined I could love anything so much. He is the sweetest, funniest, most innocent and wonderful person I have ever known. I can’t imagine my life without him. No matter what any doctor or therapist may say about him, in my eyes he’s perfect.
Jakob turned 3 the beginning of September and I have known for about 2 years that something just wasn’t right. In every baby book I read under the heading “developmental milestones”, there were always at least 2 or 3 things that Jakob wasn’t doing that he should have been. Stuff like babbling, mimicking, pushing and pulling toys, turning his head at a loud noise, responding to his name, following simple directions and speaking. To this day, he still hasn’t said a single word consistently.
I had other concerns about Jakob. He would have meltdowns in unfamiliar situations. He never made any eye contact. He didn’t seem to notice or care when I entered or left the room. He had no interest in snuggling unless he was exhausted. Jakob always seemed to be in his own little world.
Being a first-time mother with no experience with babies, I believed our pediatrician when he said that all kids develop differently and I shouldn’t worry. I knew something was wrong but I held onto the hope that the doctor was right.
At one point, we thought we had his problem figured out…hearing loss. After running all the tests, we discovered his hearing was fine. That’s when Children’s Hospital and the Warren County Help Me Grow program became involved. We also got him started in private speech and occupational therapy. Everyone agreed he had Sensory Integration Dysfunction and there was a good possibility that he was on the autism spectrum. We still don’t have an official diagnosis.
Jakob goes to pre-school now and is making improvements. The meltdowns have pretty much stopped, he’s making better eye contact and overall he just seems calmer. He’s a happy little man who loves puzzles, numbers and the alphabet. I know we have a very long road ahead of us but I take great joy in every little baby step he takes…every little baby step is a huge step in our house.
In the past week, we’ve had some great accomplishments. He likes cutting with scissors (which 2 months ago he wouldn’t have sat still long enough to pay attention to them). He loves riding the escalator at the mall (a month ago he wouldn’t even go near one). And he spelled the word “quiet” with his refrigerator magnets (we don’t think he knows what “quiet” means but he sure can spell it!)
As Jakob’s mom, I have great days, good days, bad days and awful days. It’s a constant rollercoaster and I never know what I’m gonna get. Hopefully, when I pick him up from school today, I’ll see a smiling child who has had a lot of fun with his class. I’ll let you know tomorrow…
- Jenn