February 10th, 2006

It always seems to happen like this and I'm not complaining. It seems every time I write an entry describing a challenge we're facing with Jakob, within a couple of days, he's so much better. Jakob and I have had the perfect night so far.

I was sitting on the couch and he was standing up watching tv. He walked over to me and rested his cheek on my chest and crawled up on my lap. I was holding him like women hold babies...I was cradling him. And as I looked at his face, I realized that I hadn't held him like that since he was an infant. Not because I haven't wanted to...but because he wouldn't let me. Once Jakob could move around, he'd wiggle his way out of my arms. He didn't like being held so he rarely was. It's hard to connect with a child who doesn't want anything to do with you. Tonight, my little buddy did something very sweet...he let me hold him like I've wanted to hold him for so long. There are little joys like that in every day and when I slow down, those little joys become big joys and my whole outlook on life changes. That's the power of a special child.

Things are gonna start getting a little crazy around here this week. My aunt, my other aunt, my parents, 3 dogs and a cat get here. It will be a full house. So, I've started a new project!! I'm turning the master bedroom into a suite...complete with a sitting area, a play area and a tv viewing area. Actually, I'm making it sound a lot fancier than what it will be. And honestly, I'm not sure yet what it's gonna be. All I know for sure is I want a big soft bed, a tv for Jakob, a tv for me, a sitting area and lots of stuff Jakob likes to play with. The bedroom will be a great place for Jakob and me (and Miller and Weiser) to go and just hang out. He loves the king-size bed with all the pillows and blankets. Having the bath tub nearby is a bonus too since he loves it in there. With all the chaos, I can't finish the room right now...but I sure can start coming up with ideas and doing something temporary that will work. It's good for me to have as many creative outlets as possible...gotta keep my mind occupied so I don't think too much about all the stuff that could make me want to curl up in the fetal position and wimper...(for the record, I really am holding it all together pretty well).

-Jenn