August 10th, 2005

Life is pretty darn good. As of right this very second, I don't have many complaints...shocker. I actually feel pretty perky, a week of vacation that included a solo trip certainly helped. But my good mood is mostly due to the fact that Jakob is doing so incredibly well. I've been watching in awe of how much he's changing every day. He just keeps getting better and better. This is the most hopeful I've felt in a while. It's amazing how much better I feel when I have hope...hope is a beautiful thing...(I gotta go shopping, I don't have a sign that says "HOPE"...)

Everything is happening fast and it's hard to keep up. Kenny's niece (and mine) has been here for a couple of weeks. She's a special ed teacher for kindergarten and first grade in Jersey. Rachel made the trip just so she could help us with Jakob and having the extra set of hands has been wonderful. Jakob just loves her and she's sooooo good with him. There are some people that walk into our house that Jakob just ignores or tolerates and then there are some that he's drawn to...and he couldn't be more drawn to Rachel. She literally works with him every minute he's awake...and she never seems to get tired. How in the world she does it, I have no clue. She has him laughing non-stop and he's learning so much from her. I love just watching them together...it's very sweet. I gotta find her a job here...know anybody looking for a KG-1st Grade Special Ed teacher???? I HIGHLY recommend her. She can start in two weeks. (Would prefer an easy commute from Mason but willing to consider all offers...)

Rachel's visit was just the kick-off of "Operation Recovery...Jakob Full Speed Ahead" (I just made that up...not bad). We have an ABA in-home program ready to start August 22, we get the results from the DAN doctor and start preparing for the dietary changes if necessary on August 24, school starts August 31 and Jakob's 4th birthday is September 3...(gotta plan a party...a big one). The train has left the station and we are full speed ahead. I know that it seems like a lot...it may be too much. I'm not sure, I'm just following my gut. My gut told me to stagger all this stuff and Jakob could carry the load...easily. By Thanksgiving, we might be on a serious roll. If we're not a roll and my gut was wrong, then we go to Plan B. Not sure what Plan B is yet... but I'm working on it.

I'm still working on that darn "Serenity Now". It's been little warm lately...not exacty the best time of the year to be working in the yard. Now I understand why normal people do all their planting in the spring and fall. Lesson learned. I have one more project to finish and I'm getting pretty close. We've named it "Jakob's Garden Hopscotch" and that's exactly what it is. If it weren't for Rachel, I wouldn't have gotten it done until Christmas (hire her, pay her lots of money, please). It's kinda hard to explain...we painted hopscotch on some big garden stones and lined them up in a berm. Someday...I'll attach a picture. Anyway...it's so very cool and I'm so very proud of our hard work. And of course, what thrills us most is Jakob loves it. He goes from one to ten stepping onto each stone. He'll stop on each number, look at us and wait for us to say the number on the stone before he'll go to the next one. If we don't say it fast enough, he lets us know with a dirty look and a disgusted "mmm". Sometimes, just for kicks, I'll say "7" when he's on "4"...I get the same annoyed reaction. It's too funny. Jakob's too funny. And just so darn adorable.

The best way to describe the past couple of weeks is that I feel a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. For the first time in as long as I can remember, I see a light at the end of the tunnel. I'm not feeling quite so overwhelmed...knowing that there can be no question about it...I am doing everything I possibly can for my son. I have hope for recovery, even though I know what the odds are. I have hope with no expectations. All I can do is what I can do...and I'm doin' it. Whatever happens, recovery or no improvement whatsoever, what's still the most important thing to me is Jakob's happiness. And right now, he's the happiest I've ever seen him. Now instead of doing my "breathing exercises", I'm letting out sighs of relief. It's really nice.

-Jenn