May 30th, 2006

Water is sooooooooo much fun. Water in the tub, water in the water table on the deck, water on the tube slide, water all over the swingset, water in the fountain...Jakob likes water. Kinda scares me a little. I've heard too many stories about children with autism drowning. Gotta watch him every second.

Slight change in Jakob's schedule this week...no school. That's actually a HUGE change for him and he didn't handle it too well the first day. He was at his Dad's and according to Kenny, at the exact time he usually goes to school, he put on his shoes. So, Kenny tried to take him to the park that's close to the school. As soon as Jakob realized they were going a different direction than the school, it all went south. Not pretty from what I hear. All I know is he ended coming to my house and doing a lot of jumping. Apparently, Day 2 without school went much better. Hopefully, he'll adjust quickly to the new schedule. Poor thing....we just keep throwing curve balls at him.

Jakob and I have been having some great moments. He's just so much fun to play with (when he actually lets me touch his toys...I keep telling him that if there's anyone he should share his stuff with, it should be me since I paid for all of it). I've been able to pull out some of the toys that I had to put away because he was stimming too much. We've been having a lot of fun with marbles and bubbles. But definitely, the big winners are water and his Baby Genuis Favorite Nursery Rhymes DVD. Between "BINGO" and "Five Little Monkeys", it's been quite a party around here. We crank up the stereo and sing like nobody's listening and dance like nobody's watching. It's scary how easily I can get in touch with my inner child. I'm sure it has something to do with my being an only child...lots of time playing alone can foster quite an imagination.

I've decided what I wanna do when I win Powerball. I'm gonna buy a huge piece of property that I will build no more than 50 home on...all to be occupied by families living with ASD. Everybody knows everybody and everybody understands. We watch out for each other's kids and we help each other out. If I win really big money, I'll build a couple of apartment/townhome complexes for adults on the spectrum who could live alone with a little help. It could be a big, happy, safe, gated community. I've already picked out the families I want living right next door to me. I have lots of ideas for playground areas and a pool...and of course, landscaping.

I try so hard not to dwell on the tough stuff but it's impossible not to notice it when we're out. The older he gets, the more funny looks we get. I hate it. I just hate it. My maternal instinct to protect goes into overdrive and I just wanna keep him home, safe and warm, surrounded by things that make him happy. Unrealistic...but instinctual.

What I think all of us autism moms go through is a phase where we want to try to have a "normal" life...and do all the things that moms with typical kids do. And the longer we're in this, the more we realize that it's just not possible. Every time I try to be "normal", I just get reminded how different we are. I find that I'm most comfortable around other people who can relate...other moms in the same boat as me. I love my autism moms. I love that my autism moms look at Jakob and just see Jakob. They don't jump at his behaviors, they're not scared of him, they know what to do with him. They hug him and give him high fives. They laugh at the same things I do. Being surrounded by people who get it makes it not seem so hard. That's why I gotta win Powerball...