Sunday, May 25, 2008

May 25, 2008..."NO"

Little Turkey. He is. Ornery to no end and letting me have it.

I got back from L.A. Thursday night after being gone since early Sunday morning (American Idol finals). He was in the tub when I got home and seemed genuinely happy to see me. Then a light bulb went off in his little head...he remembered that I had left him for 5 whole days and he was gonna make me pay.

Friday and yesterday were a treat. No matter what I did or said to him, I heard "no". Sometimes, he only said it once, sometimes 4 times, sometimes in combination with an emphatic shaking of the head and occasionally with a scream. I had to laugh when I was sitting across the room from him not doing or saying a thing and he just turned and looked at me and shouted "no". I just put my hands up in the air and was like "dude, I didn't even ask you a question". I guess he was just letting me know that no matter what I did, he was all about "no". I'm so grateful that he's gotten so much practice saying the word...he's almost got it.

Him being a little turkey butt after me being gone a few days is nothing new. This has happened before. Each time, the behavior I see is slightly different but the sentiment is the same.

I've been gone a lot in the past 7 months...5 times to be exact. Anytime from 3-7 days. In all honesty, this time rocked me a little. The other 4 times, I came back with new tools and tricks for dealing with his Autism. This time all I came back with was sleep deprivation and a crush on David Cook. I wasn't very well equiped to handle the defiance. I was tired and really felt like the re-emergence back into our little world was like a frying pan to the face. It hurt. And it really annoyed me that I wasn't handling it as well as I knew I could.

I have done my best to remain calm and present but it was a struggle at times. Certain quotes that I've read have been popping into my mind as I take a few deep, cleansing breaths...

"This too shall pass"

"As a man thinketh, so shall he be"

"Energy flows where attention goes"

And all the stuff about Jakob sensing my mood and where my head is at...there's no faking with him.

I'm feeling pretty good now and I know that tomorrow is another day. I will do my darndest to be completely present and accept him right where he's at...even if it is No-No-No-No Land. And I will always look for all the good stuff he's doing....did I mention that he's almost saying "no" perfectly??

I also know that we've been a little out of our routine for the past couple of weeks and we gotta get back on track quick. This week, I'm gonna go full-force looking for volunteers and fine-tuning his program. Just gotta do it. And when I do, all will fall right back into place. I know in my heart-of-hearts that all is well....actually, better than well. All is great.

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