February 22nd, 2005

I have to admit…it has been a great week. Jakob is making so many improvements and he’s trying so many new things. Stuff he’s never done before…playing peek-a-boo, blowing kisses, using the sign for “more”, trying to put his socks on, pointing, mimicking. It’s been awesome! It’s been one of those weeks where I feel that all we’ve been doing to try to help him is working. I really love weeks like this. Weeks like this inspire me to keep on keepin’ on.

We have been so lucky. I love the people that work with Jakob. Last night his OT, PT and Speech therapist all came over to the house. They gave us so many things to try with him and showed us exactly how to do it. I can’t wait to pick him up from school today and start trying some of their suggestions. They’re all so much fun and it’s obvious how passionate they are about what they do. They really care and they want to help us. The support we’re getting from them is incredible. I don’t know where we’d be without their help.

Of course, they got on my case a little bit about the whole discipline thing. Ok, I admit, I suck at it. I let him get away with so much…turning off the tv, flipping lights on and off and eating cheese. He’s just so good most of the time and I really do hate telling him “no”. And, I’ll also admit, he totally knows how to manipulate me…a kiss and a little clapping and he can have anything he wants. I can’t help it…he’s too darn cute. And he’s funny. It’s hard to punish a child when I’m laughing hysterically. I am going to make an effort to get better…I have to. It’s what’s best for Jakob. So…there’s a “naughty chair” by the tv and I’m preparing to “count to 5”. I’m not looking forward to it…it ain’t gonna be fun.

Kenny’s doing great…he’s much better at the discipline thing than me. I’ve learned a few tricks from him. I hope I can “be strong” when Jakob throws a fit because I won’t let him have any more cheese. If Kenny’s home, I’ll let him handle it. I’ll do bath time, that’s what I’m better at. Plus if I take the backseat when it comes to the disciplining, Jakob will like me better…(just kidding, sorta).

I’m tired. I have weeks when I feel pretty good. This week I’m tired. It’s funny, everyone tells me to “put myself on the list”. Ok…I have a pretty long list. There’s really no time for myself…unless I spend less time with Jakob, quit my job or get less sleep (I now get about 5 hours per night). I’d love for a time management expert to take a look at my list and tell me how to pull off more time for myself. I’m serious. Know anybody?? I’ve gotta figure it out…my blood pressure is through the roof, so is my cholesterol and I suffer from anxiety. I’m overweight and out of shape, I don’t eat right, no exercise. When you start listing off all my ailments, I sound like a total mess! Even I get overwhelmed by what a disaster I am. It’s so overwhelming that I don’t know where to start. So I just don’t do anything…it’s not good.

My health isn’t the only thing that overwhelms me…take a good look at my house. Dust, clutter, crap everywhere. I’ve pretty much given up on it. It’s one of those things that I’m just trying to accept…I’m never gonna have a clean house…I’m never gonna have a clean house (if I keep saying it, maybe I’ll start to believe it). I’d love to get a maid service. I had a company come right before Thanksgiving, in hopes that Kenny would love it. Didn’t work. They charged way too much and did a rotten job. Kenny actually called them and made them come back and do it over. That whole experience soured him on cleaning services. Maybe I can try again in a few months.

I figure that my house being clean and me getting in shape can wait. It’s go-time with Jakob. The more we do with him now, the better his chances are later. For now, I’ll try to control the clutter and stay away from the fast food (I’m gonna miss that quarter-pounder with cheese).
I just have to say that I love being Jakob’s mom. It’s been two weeks since we got his diagnosis and Kenny and I are doing great. We adore that little guy and we enjoy every minute with him. We have our tough times and it ain’t always easy but having Jakob is the most amazing thing we’ve ever experienced. He’s 3- 1/2 and he’s just now started to clap his hands and play peek-a-boo. That’s a big deal. And every time he does it, we go crazy…clapping and cheering. Then he claps more and laughs and runs to hug us. It feels like we’re witnessing a miracle when he does something like that. It’s awesome.

-Jenn