February 4th, 2005

Ok, I feel like I can breathe…I’m starting to catch up. I hate that feeling of looking around and seeing so much that needs to get done and not knowing where to start. I still see a lot that needs done but it’s almost the weekend. No work. Plenty of time to organize. Right.

With Jakob it’s all about organization and variety. I swear I bring more stuff in to that house…toys, educational stuff, developmental stuff, arts and crafts, books, therapy equipment…the list goes on. I’ve thought that maybe I was over-stimulating him with too much clutter but I’ve tested that theory. He gets bored easily! I have to have a lot of things for him to choose from. The trick is to have it all categorized and grouped together and put away. That way I can pull out different stuff all the time. It’s funny. Organization is not a quality I possess. I suck at it. I thrive in chaos. Always have, just ask my mom. I think I might be getting a handle on this though thanks to help from his therapist and teacher. It just takes a lot of time and thought. Time and the ability to concentrate?? Right. (I’m laughing at myself pretty hard right now.)

Poor Jakob. He’s been sick all week. Fever, cough, no appetite, runny nose and cranky. He has no interest in doing anything other than watch Sesame Street. I’ve been cool with that. When I’m sick, all I wanna do is lay on the couch and watch tv so I let him do the same. I feel so bad for him when he gets this way…I also feel so helpless. If only he could talk and tell me what was wrong and what he wanted. Plus he doesn’t want to play with me. He has so many cool things and I want to play. I gave him a new little ball yesterday with a frog inside it and he threw it into a plant. That wasn’t fun. He also ignored his new remote control car. I swear I’m living a second childhood…sometimes I think these toys are more for me than they are for him.

Monday we go to Children’s to go over the results of the ADOS. I’m not expecting to learn anything new. They’ll probably tell us that if it’s autism, it’s not low functioning since he tests close to his age category in some areas. Good news but nothing we didn’t already know.

I could really use some bonding time with my little boy. Between having houseguests and him not feeling well, we really haven’t had a chance to “connect”. I hope he feels better this weekend so we can do some of that. And hopefully he’ll play with me…I really dig that remote control car.

-Jenn