Tuesday, January 11, 2005

January 11th, 2005

Wow. I’m officially overwhelmed. There are so many things going on in my house right now, it’s very hard to keep up. Luckily, it’s all good. I’m not really sure where to start…it’s been such a rollercoaster for the past week. Ever since we started the Sensory Learning Program with Jakob, every day he’s doing something new…his awareness is so much greater, he’s calmer and happier, his focus is better, transitioning is so much easier…I honestly am living with a different child in so many ways.

Here’s what I mean…yesterday after his nap, he woke up slowly (like he always has) and we put him in front of one of his favorite videos (which we always do…part of the routine). Normally, he’d get excited, jump up and down (hand flapping), squeal, run and crash into the furniture. Not yesterday. He sat on the couch. He was calm, watching the video and smiling. Totally focused but aware of everything else going on around him. This went on for 30 minutes…that never happens, sitting still for 30 minutes. I started to worry…was he lethargic? Did he feel ok? Did he have a fever? Did something hurt? Did we need to rush him to the hospital? I really started to get concerned. Then the video ended. He got up and started to play with his farm puzzle. That’s when I realized he was fine, he was just chillin’ and watchin’ a little tv. Wow.
To parents with “normally developing” children, what happened yesterday is probably no big deal. In our house, it’s a huge change. The hundreds of hugs and kisses we’re getting is a big change. It’s as if in Jakob’s 3 years with us, he was aware that there were these 2 people that were always around. They gave him food, juice, toys, changed his diaper. He heard sounds but wasn’t really sure where they were coming from and didn’t know what they were saying. He didn’t understand that our words had meaning. He was just floating along in his own little universe oblivious to the world around him. Now, after this therapy, he’s starting to make those connections that weren’t being made before. He knows who his mommy and daddy are and that they love him very much. It’s so cool. It’s beyond cool, it’s amazing and awesome.

I could go on and on. Every day I’m seeing at least 3 or 4 changes in him…I see him do things he’d never do before. It’s so encouraging and I get so excited to see all the hard work pay off. What’s so hard for me to find is the balance. Kenny and I disagree on this regularly. When I see a chance for me to “reach” Jakob, I jump. If I see him start to pretend play (which he’d never done before last week), I watch for a minute then I jump in and take the opportunity to play with him and I try to help make a “connection”. I hover and watch at all times just trying to figure out what he’s thinking. I’m “working” with him but I never force him into anything. I always make sure whatever “learning” activity we’re doing is also fun for Jakob. If it ain’t fun, we ain’t doin’ it.

Well, Kenny thinks I’m smothering him. He wants me to just kick back, relax and let Jakob be a “normal 3-year-old little boy”. I just can’t do that. My need to help him is overwhelming…I feel like I have to do everything in my power to make his life better and easier. It’s my #1 priority and if that means that I don’t get to watch Oprah…oh well. And if it means I have to go shopping again today because he’s showing interest in touch and feel farm books and he’s trying to make animal sounds as he flips the pages but he doesn’t have a piggy book and I need to find a piggy book then I’m going to Barnes and Noble. If it means that the dishes aren’t gonna get done right after dinner, big whoop. In other words, whatever I have to do, I will do. And quite frankly, I’m enjoying it…seeing him having fun and learning at the same time is the best. Do I sound defensive? I hope not because I’m not mad…I’m just determined to do what I know in my gut is right. I know Kenny doesn’t understand my drive but I’m not sure how to communicate it to him. I guess I’ll just keep trying.

Jakob starts back in occupational therapy this afternoon. I’m curious to see what all he will do.
Between now and then, I’m stopping at Barnes and Noble…I gotta get a piggy book.

-Jenn

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