To the ER

I think it's Saturday...yeah, it is. We're in Chilldren's Hospital, we came to the ER Thursday around noon. At around 11:30 Thursday night, Jakob had an appendectomy and it was messy. It had burst and they did their best to get it all cleaned up.

We're gonna be here at least 10 days pumping some big-time antibiotics in him to fight infection. And we gotta keep an eye out for an abcess...since it had burst, there's a good chance they didn't get all the fluid out and it could form an abcess. If that happens, it'll present just like the appendicitis and they'll have to go in to drain it.

I could go on and on with all the details but I don't think I will...it's kinda overwhelming and tiring. But I feel, at this point, that we have a pretty good handle on everything...as good of a handle as possible.

Darnit anyway. I knew. I did. I suspected it when the vomiting kept going. And how weird is that? A kid's throwing up...doesn't everybody think flu? Or food poisoning? Not me...I thought appendicitis. It was my gut telling me, that whole motherly intuition thing kicking in and again, I didn't listen. Just like the Autism. Lesson learned, difinitively...listen to intuition, that inner voice. Screw common sense and analyzing....I got a higher power than that at work and it's a lot easier just to pay attention to that. Lesson learned. Darnit.

So here we are, in the middle of another big adventure. And as with everything, it's as hard as I decide to make it. I will admit that this challenge is a biggie and I've found it to be, well...challenging. I've had my knots-in-the-stomach, wanna vomit, light-headed, borderline panic attack moments. Like when we were home before we came to the hospital, in the car, in the waiting room, during the testing, during the surgery....safe to say that there have been more than a few times that I haven't felt very well. I feel my best when Jakob's sleeping and I can just look at his sweet little face and watch the monitor...heart rate 119, breathing 98%...all is well.

The first time he really woke up after surgery was our roughest moment. He opened his eyes in a strange place with strange sights and sounds and he was hurting. He had an IV shoved in his arm that was wrapped heavily so he couldn't get to it and attached to a board so he couldn't bend his arm. He had a catheter, a monitor attached to his toe and more monitors on his chest. There are 3 holes in his belly that are taped up. It was sensory overload. His pain meds hadn't kicked in yet and he really really really wanted all the stuff "off". To put it lightly, he was freaking out...understandably. All I kept thinking about was Sally Field in "Steel Magnolias"....I totally saw myself running back and forth at the nurses' station, screaming "my son needs pain medication and get me something to relax him...NOW". He kept reaching for everything, trying to yank stuff out. And he was in obvious distress, totally confused. I knew I had to stay calm since he would just get more panicked if I was...not sure how good of a job I did with that. He eventually calmed down, I think just out of pure exhaustion and we eventually got him all the meds he needed.

Since then, we've had a few bouts with the IV, he keeps getting the thing off his toe and if we don't watch him closely, he'll mess with the incisions. Gotta keep him distracted as much as possible...good thing I didn't get rid of all his DVDs...

(Sunday morning)

Today he gets a chest x-ray, his breathing isn't where it should be and we'll be gettng him up and moving around as much as possible. Now that we've cut back on the morphine, he's awake more and we have to scramble to keep him occupied. Thank God, my Mom is here...she's good at keeping him busy and she moves quickly, fast is critical.

I think he's in some pain, he's obviously tired but not sleeping too great. It's probably from coming down from the morphine and he's a light sleeper anyway. There are always people coming in and out of the room and lots of noise in the hallway. He's about half-asleep right now with the sheet pulled over his head. The attached monitors and the IV are really bugging him and that's not helping either.

He's been so good, really, all things considered. He's just so sleepy and he's weak. Every once in awhile, he points to the door and says "that way". He's ready to go home and I can't blame him one little bit. We're doing everything we can to surround him with his favorite stuff and we'll see in the next day or two if it's working.

I had to laugh...there's a white board in here where they write all the nurses names. He noticed it yesterday when he was still pretty out of it. He pointed at it and said "bipe" (wipe)....pretty funny. So needless to say, we are on our own to remember everybody's names.

I can't say enough about the staff here, they've been really wonderful. They probably think I'm a little nuts but I"m sure I'm not the first Mom to pace around asking a ton of questions. I've asked if boogers count as solid food, why the DVD player is in French and if there's a special room for ex-husbands who snore really loud...those may be new ones but I'm not sure.

(Sunday night)

He ate some Perky O-s about an hour ago...yay! First solid food...good sign. Now he's passed out cold. We had him up for over an hour this afternoon. He still can't stand on his own and struggles to sit up straight and hold his head up but he's definitely getting stronger. If he wakes up again (which I'm sure he will), we'll get him up again.

In all honesty, I'm sitting here pretty pissed off right now. There's someone in the room who refuses to listen to me. I want the tv off when Jakob's sleeping...it's proven that sleeping with the tv on affects the quality of sleep and this person is being a real ass about it. I'm taking deep breaths and doing my best to relax...#*#**

I gotta give my little man a lot of credit. He's really doing great, better probably than I would do in the same situation. It'll be interesting to see what happens when the meds wear off...I'm not sure how big of a role they've played in his ability to deal with everything...I'm guessing significant...

I'm finally starting to feel tired. I've been running on pure adreniline for 5 days now and it's all catching up with me. I've finally hit the point where I feel everything's gonna be ok and I'm relaxing. Each little step along the healing path lightens the load...he drank water, he sat up, he peed, he spoke, his fever broke, the swelling went down, he passed gas, he went 5 hours without morphine, he slept for 3 hours straight, he pooped, he ate! Talk about appreciation...I've been appreciating a lot. A stay at Children's Hospital will wake anybody up who thinks they've got it rough.

I remember my Dad always saying to me when I was kid and I would complain about something, "there's always somebody who's got it tougher than you". I've always remembered that and I've really witnessed it these past few days. How these parents do it, I'll never know. There are some unimaginable stories here and the people who work with these kids are amazing. Don't know how they do it either. And then I look at the kids, bless their sweet, innocent hearts.

More to come...