Thursday, September 01, 2005

September, 2005

This is like the fourth time I've sat down and tried to write an entry...I sure hope I can get it done...gettin' anything done lately has been a challenge. Busy, busy, busy...I'm starting to wonder if my life was just a cakewalk for a lot of years. Maybe everybody lives the way I do now...not enough time to even come close to getting everything done that I need to get done. It seems like I used to have all the time in the hurry, no all I do is hurry and stress.

Jakob is doing awesome. So much has been going on with him and I couldn't be more thrilled with all the results.

ABA at home was the first new thing. We've had a therapist coming in for weeks now and she's great. Jakob has really taken to her. She's young and pretty and very sweet. I think she's been sucked in by Jakob's charm like all the rest of us have. He's just so cute and ornery...he can get away with a lot.

I can't believe how far he's come with the ABA...he's doing so many new things in such a short amount of time. Jakob has never imitated anything he's he's imitating stuff on his videos and things like touching his nose and patting his belly. He's even started waving "bye"...something we've been trying to teach him for more than 3 years. It's all very exciting.

The one thing that has been very difficult for me to admit is that Kenny and I cannot do this much as I'd like to be with Jakob 24 hours a day and working with him constantly, I can't. And even if I could, I don't have the knowledge or the training that all the therapists do. I flat-out couldn't do it. That's a tough one for any mom to swallow..."I cannot save my child"..."I cannot give my son everything he needs"..."I need help". It's taken me a while to accept the truth...and I have to admit, it's a relief. Bringing in ABA has lifted a huge weight off my shoulders. I know he's getting the help he needs and I can just sit back and enjoy him more. I don't worry so much about "working with him". What I really love about ABA is I can watch the therapist with him and pick up on what she's doing. It's almost frustrating to watch...what she's doing makes so much sense and it's a simple concept...I just shake my head and say to myself "why didn't I think of that??" I feel very fortunate...everyone that we have found to work with Jakob has been wonderful. I don't know what I'd do without them. I would be sooooo lost. I really feel for parents who are lost in this whole autism mess. There are so many kids being few therapists...such long waiting companiies that don't cover therapy...too much information but not enough qualified people to explain what it all means. I hate to hear from other parents that they're thinking about selling their house so they can afford more therapy...something just isn't right about that.

Jakob's diet is officially gtulen-free and casein-free. The transition has gone much smoother than we had anticipated. We really thought it was going to be a fight. He's been willing to eat pancakes, hot dogs, bananas, grapes, cereal, COOKIES and ...well, that's about it. And some of those things he will only eat on some days. I guess it's been a little bit of a challenge but not painful. I hate having to make changes that don't go easy...but I guess that's what life is about...

The results from Jakob's DAN doctor testing didn't come back as far off as we thought they would be. He does have some issues...just not to the severity that we had anticipated. He has issues with sugar, yeast and a couple of other things. We have to watch pretty closely what we try to shove in the kid's mouth...Wild Oats has been a wonderful place...still haven't made it to Jungle Jim's...I hear they're great too.

Of course, he's on some supplements that do all sorts of things...fights yeast, helps some's a lot of different stuff. Hard to keep straight without the list in front of me...I don't have it memorized yet. I'm workin' on it...

Jakob is also back in pre-school. So far, according to his teacher, he's doing great. He's singing (in his own language) along in his class, he does some of the body movements with some of the songs, he seems to be transitioning well, and he's getting better at sharing. I was a little worried about how he would adjust to the new schedule and thankfully, so far, he's doing great. Big sigh of relief...from all of us. I just hope we stay on the current track...I'd prefer not to take a sharp left anythine in the near future..

Really...everything with Jakob is going great. He seems to be really taking's so encouraging. The thing is...I love and accept Jakob...just the way he is. The sun will shine as brightly in his eyes just as beautifully 20 years from now even if he still doesn't say a word. I know what he's thinking when I look in his eyes and there's no greater gift than that. But loving and accepting him isn't gonna save him...and I believe that he can be saved. The term that is used is "recovered". It doesn't happen very often and the odds aren't great. I'm sure most moms in my situation have the same hope that I do. We all dream of the day that a doctor will tell us "your child no longer displays any of the characteristics of autism". I truly believe we have a shot at hearing those words someday.

I will admit I have not been doing a good job of keeping up with this journal lately. I have been so over-stimulated with everything lately that I've been having a rough time focusing. So many times, I've sat down to write an entry and I was too frustrated to do it. Everything I was writing was very negative-sounding. Who wants to hear a woman moan and groan all the time about how tough she's got it?? I don't want to listen to a woman like that so I sure don't want to SOUND LIKE that woman. I'll wrap up everything that has happened at home and at work since my last entry like's been rough, but Jakob is doing great. I'm really happy about that.