June 30, 2008...We're Back

Well, it didn't go as I had planned. There was a problem. The mirror in Jakob's playroom was cracked so I had to replace it...not an easy job. And not a pretty one either. Being the "Superwoman" that I believe myself to be, I figured I could get it down and put up another one. It was big...and very heavy. I dragged Sandy into this project and we got the broken one down ok...putting the new one up didn't go so well. We broke that one too...I only bled a little bit. So, I called in the neighbor and he put up mirror #3 without incident. I guess every now and then I do need a big strong man around.

This delayed the re-entry into the playroom. I couldn't have him in there with a broken mirror...that would have been recipe for disaster. He would have fixated on the crack and could have cut himself. If he messed with it just a little bit, it could have fallen on the floor and shattered...that wouldn't have been good. And if I would have tried to tape it, he would have insisted on pulling off the tape (he can't resist pulling off tape). And I couldn't put him in there without a mirror, he wouldn't have stood for that. The mirror is one of his favorite parts about the room..he likes to look at himself. So the mirror situation had to be fixed. And like I said, I only bled a little.

Today was the big day...we had a facilitator outreach with our girl Susan and he did great. I think he liked getting back in there and back to his old routine. He went right back to several of his favorite activities...bouncing on the ball, making lists, drawing pictures, blowing bubbles. He laughed and played a lot. It was no nice to see...and it felt like we were getting back to our "normal" life. It's finally feeling like we're past the hospital stuff...amen. That was rough and it feels good to get it all behind us.

We saw the surgeon last Thursday and he said that Jakob was "cured" of appendicitis. Relief. No one had any answers for us on the painful urination thing. It's seemed to have cleared up but no clue for sure what may have caused it. Lots of speculation...no answers. Typical for the Autism diagnosis...I've gotten used to not a whole lot of answers. So I'll just keep an eye on him and try to guess if I see something that just doesn't look right.

We're slowly re-introducing all his supplements. It'll take a few weeks to get him back up and running on all that stuff. There's no doubt that the kid has some major gut issues that we have to get cleared up. Only one way to do that...watch, give him supplements and watch some more.

On our little hiatus from the playroom, we decided to put Jakob through the Sensory Learning Program again. It compliments Son-Rise and it sure made a difference for him the last two times we did it. During the first run is when he first looked at us. During the second was the first time he sat still. This time, who knows what we'll see...could be anything. I know that he loves it. He goes right in the room, lays down on the table, puts the headphones on and smiles. Then he talks and sings the entire 30 minutes. So cute. We're at the point in the program where we do the light thing at home. We go into the walk-in closet for 20 minutes, twice per day. I wouldn't be surprised if we end up in there more than twice every day...he digs it. It has a calming effect on him and he's just so chatty. We sing and snuggle. I dig it too.

Every day I see more signs of the old Jakob...the pre-appendix-bursting Jakob. He's back to testing me every now and then...with taking his supplements, taking a shower, going to the bathroom, eating a banana, going to bed. I get the foot-stomping, squealing, screaming, alligator tears...the works. It only lasts a few seconds but boy he's good...got a set of lungs on him. It's impressive. I've really honed my skiils at being unaffected by it. I remain calm and show no signs of impatience or frustration. I've gotten really good at explaining every little move I make to him and why he needs to do whatever it is I'm asking him to do. He understands, thinks about it and then I get my way. The whole scene reminds me of me...I've always been a person who doesn't like to hear "no"...especially without an explanation of why not. So understanding how he's feeling, it's easy for me to explain, in detail, why he needs to drink his cranberry juice. If I give a good enough reason, he can't argue. I do my best to give him a really good reason the first time. It's usually pretty funny to watch...one second the scream with the big tears, the next second he's naked and getting in the shower. Sometimes it takes enormous restraint not to laugh...sometimes I just turn my head and chuckle. I just remember how it used to be a couple years ago...the screaming non-stop. We've come so far, the both of us and we've learned so much. I never would've believed that I could laugh at what I laugh at now. And I laugh a lot. I think I may have heard, once or twice, that laughter heals...

I've been wanting to get another tattoo...an addition to what I already have. A healing symbol. It needs to go in the vacinity of my current tattoo, I'm just not sure where yet. I have a whole page of different symbols for healing and I've narrowed it down to a couple. Funny story...there's a design that Jakob likes to draw over and over, a couple of them actually. And the designs just happen to be healing symbols...hmmm. I'll probably go with one of his...ain't that somethin'? Unreal.

This is gonna be a good week...back in the playroom, hanging out in the closet, I have a couple days off for the 4th, some new volunteers to train (still looking for more, if anyone's interested). I'm feeling good, feeling strong, knowing what I want and totally adoring every little thing about my kid. Not much else I could ask for...well, money would be nice. A whole lot of it. But that's it. Everything else is back on track and I am so happy and grateful for our healing...Jakob's and mine.

I've discovered that healing takes more than a few days and it's an ongoing thing...at least for me. I have a lot more to heal from than I realized. Every time I take care of one issue, another one pops up. There's a little thing here and a bigger thing there. Luckily, thanks to tons of reading and research, I'm figuring out the fastest fixes and each time something pops up, I know what to do to take care of it. I like knowing that and I love being able to do it. The more I read and learn, the deeper my understanding becomes of how I have to take of me in order to take care of Jakob. And I see the difference it makes in him. I know that we're gonna be more than ok, we're gonna be great. Actually, we're already great and getting better every day. The adventure continues...