Wednesday, May 28, 2008

May 28, 2008...poor buddy's 1am and I'm watching him sleep on the couch. It's actually been about 12 minutes since he last vomited and I'm poised to move if it happens again.

Now I know why he was so darn sweet all afternoon! He was all snuggly and cozy...seemed to feel ok though. No fever, he wasn't cranky. I was thrilled that when he was telling me "no" he only said it 2 times instead of 4. Poor little buddy. It started at about 8:45 and has been continuous. He's soooo exhausted and I'm just sitting here feeling pretty helpless and pretty darn tired myself.

I just keep watching...wondering.

This is the tough part, always has been. Is it simply an upset tummy? Is he having any severe pain? I would think if he was really hurting, he'd cry, right? Well, he ain't crying. Food poisoning? All he eats are bananas, hot dogs and Perky O's...

Sure would be nice if he could tell me. I find great solace in the fact that he'll be able to tell me soon...we get closer every day.

So now I have a big decision to make...he hasn't thrown up in 19 I try to fall asleep next to him on the couch or do I keep watching?? I have to get up to go to work in less than 3 hours...what to do, what to do...

He just moaned...better grab a towel...there will be lots of laundry to do tomorrow, that's for sure. do people do this with more than one???????????

Yup...I'll be up awhile yet.

Another frustrating part...and this is gonna be a bit graphic...but he doesn't really grasp the whole throwing up thing. I keep telling him to "get it out" but he keeps insisting on trying to swallow it. Fun, huh? He makes it harder on himself and there ain't much I can do about it. Poor buddy.

Watching this reminds me of those nights I mixed tequila shots, purple hooters, buttery nipples and sex on the beach...only instead of on the couch, I was laying on the cold bathroom tile....and swearing I'd never do that again.

How much bile can there be?

I've already googled "vomiting no fever" and I shouldn't worry for about another 12 hours...unless other symptoms pop up...

I'm just gonna keep on watching...probably wouldn't be able to sleep anyway...

Sunday, May 25, 2008

May 25, 2008..."NO"

Little Turkey. He is. Ornery to no end and letting me have it.

I got back from L.A. Thursday night after being gone since early Sunday morning (American Idol finals). He was in the tub when I got home and seemed genuinely happy to see me. Then a light bulb went off in his little head...he remembered that I had left him for 5 whole days and he was gonna make me pay.

Friday and yesterday were a treat. No matter what I did or said to him, I heard "no". Sometimes, he only said it once, sometimes 4 times, sometimes in combination with an emphatic shaking of the head and occasionally with a scream. I had to laugh when I was sitting across the room from him not doing or saying a thing and he just turned and looked at me and shouted "no". I just put my hands up in the air and was like "dude, I didn't even ask you a question". I guess he was just letting me know that no matter what I did, he was all about "no". I'm so grateful that he's gotten so much practice saying the word...he's almost got it.

Him being a little turkey butt after me being gone a few days is nothing new. This has happened before. Each time, the behavior I see is slightly different but the sentiment is the same.

I've been gone a lot in the past 7 months...5 times to be exact. Anytime from 3-7 days. In all honesty, this time rocked me a little. The other 4 times, I came back with new tools and tricks for dealing with his Autism. This time all I came back with was sleep deprivation and a crush on David Cook. I wasn't very well equiped to handle the defiance. I was tired and really felt like the re-emergence back into our little world was like a frying pan to the face. It hurt. And it really annoyed me that I wasn't handling it as well as I knew I could.

I have done my best to remain calm and present but it was a struggle at times. Certain quotes that I've read have been popping into my mind as I take a few deep, cleansing breaths...

"This too shall pass"

"As a man thinketh, so shall he be"

"Energy flows where attention goes"

And all the stuff about Jakob sensing my mood and where my head is at...there's no faking with him.

I'm feeling pretty good now and I know that tomorrow is another day. I will do my darndest to be completely present and accept him right where he's at...even if it is No-No-No-No Land. And I will always look for all the good stuff he's doing....did I mention that he's almost saying "no" perfectly??

I also know that we've been a little out of our routine for the past couple of weeks and we gotta get back on track quick. This week, I'm gonna go full-force looking for volunteers and fine-tuning his program. Just gotta do it. And when I do, all will fall right back into place. I know in my heart-of-hearts that all is well....actually, better than well. All is great.

Sunday, May 11, 2008

May 11, 2008...Mom's Day

Happy Mother's Day!

It has been an emotional week. I'm still in a bit of a fog following our walk last weekend. When ya pull a wonderful group of people together and plan and plan and plan a first-ever walk, you just never know what's gonna happen. We kinda just did what we thought we should do and we crossed our fingers. Well, it worked. In the rain, we had somewhere around 5000 people show up and we raised close to $400,000...not bad. Had it been a beautiful day, I think we could've had 10,000...probably a good thing it rained...not sure if we would've been ready for that!

It was really something to see the community come together like they did. One thing about Autism, there are so many times that as a parent, you feel so alone. No one felt alone that day. It was so awesome to see this huge group of people all there to support us. It was definitely a "wow" moment and I can't wait until next year. Now that we have our feet wet (literally), we know what to do next time and we know where to tweak a little. Very, very cool.

I thought that after the walk, things would slow down a little...not quite the case. A little room to breathe would be nice...someday soon.

In the meantime, a couple of quick things to share...

The Enquirer ran a very cool article on Jakob and me, here's the link:

And for Mother's Day...this is one of my all-time favorites...makes me tear up every time.

The Special Mother
by Erma Bombeck

Most women become mothers by accident, some by choice,
a few by social pressure and a couple by habit.

This year nearly 100,000 women will become mothers of handicapped children.
Did you ever wonder how these mothers are chosen?

Somehow I visualize God hovering over Earth
Selecting his instruments for propagation with great care and deliberation.
As he observes, he instructs his angels to take notes in a giant ledger.

"Armstrong, Beth, son. Patron Saint, Matthew."

"Forrest, Marjorie, daughter. Patron Saint, Celia."

"Rutledge, Carrie, twins. Patron Saint...give her Gerard. He's used to profanity."

Finally he passes a name to an angel and smiles. "Give her a handicapped child."

The angel is curious. "Why this one, God? She's so happy."

"Exactly," smiles God. "Could I give a handicapped child a mother who knows no laughter? That would be cruel."

"But does she have the patience?" asks the angel.

"I don't want her to have too much patience, or she'll drown in a sea of self-pity and despair. Once the shock and resentment wear off she'll handle it."

"I watched her today. She has that sense of self and independence so rare and so necessary in a mother. You see, the child I'm going to give her has a world of it's own. She has to make it live in her world, and that's not going to be easy."

"But Lord, I don't think she even believes in you."

God smiles. "No matter, I can fix that. This one is perfect. She has just enough selfishness."

The angel gasps, "Selfishness? Is that a virtue?"

God nods. "If she can't separate herself from the child occasionally, she will never survive. Yes, here is a woman whom I will bless with a child less than perfect.
She doesn't know it yet, but she is to be envied. She will never take for granted a spoken word. She will never consider a step ordinary. When her child says momma for the first time, she will be witness to a miracle and know it.

I will permit her to see clearly the things I see--ignorance, cruelty,
prejudice--and allow her to rise above them.

She will never be alone. I will be at her side every minute of every day of her life
Because she is doing my work as surely as she is here by my side."

"And what about her Patron Saint?" asks the angel, his pen poised in the air. God smiles.

"A mirror will suffice."

Thursday, May 01, 2008

April 30...Jakob needs you

Ok...I'm ready.

It's time to grow our little Son-Rise family and I'm looking for volunteers to come to my house to play with Jakob. Now that I am fully prepared to train people, give feedback and run team meetings, I'm looking for some people. We want loving, accepting, nonjudgmental people with a ton of energy, excitement and enthusiasm who can commit to 4-6 hours per week in the playroom with Jakob for a minimum of 6 months.

No experience is necessary, I will train you.

It's a ton of fun and a life-changing experience for everyone involved.

If you or anyone you know is interested, please email me at and I'll be in touch!!

It's time to take this miracle-working to a new level!!

Thank you!