Mother's Day 2007

On this Mother's Day, for all Autism Moms...

I wish for you a day without yelling, screaming, arguing, tantruming, hitting, kicking, fighting or crying.

I wish for you a day without your child running away from you when all you want is a hug.

I wish for you a day without pushing away when you try to give your child a hug or a kiss.

I wish for you a day where being a Mom is easy.

I wish for you a day filled with smiles and laughter.

I wish for you a day where out of nowhere, completely unexpectedly, you get a big hug followed by a big kiss.

I wish for you a day where your child happily does everything you ask of him.

I wish for you a day where you never have to wonder if your child loves you.

I wish for you a day where your child is happy to see you when you walk into the room.

I wish for you a day where you can walk into another room and not have to worry about what will happen while you're gone.

I wish for you a day where you don't have to listen to the same song over and over and over again.

I wish for you a day where you don't have to watch the same video over and over and over again.

I wish for you a day where your child looks you in the eye and connects with you, even if it's only for a fleeting moment.

I wish for you a day without tears...your child's or yours.

I wish for you a day without worry about what the future holds.

I wish for you a day without wondering how you're going to pay for all the therapies your child needs.

I wish for you a day where your friends and family gather and they love your child just the way he is.

I wish for you a day without fear, stress, sadness or anxiety.

I wish for you a day of feeling "normal".

I wish for you a trip to the store with no stares, dirty looks or parenting advice from people who have no clue.

I wish for you a day with no struggles.

I wish for you a day where your child looks at you and says "I love you, Mommy".

I wish for you a day where all the dreams that you dreamed about being a Mom come true.

I wish for you a day of peace, love and hope.

I wish such a day for you because you deserve such a day.

Only we Moms of children with Autism understand. No one else will ever know the pain, sorrow, desperation and fear that we feel to our core every minute of every hour of every day.

Luckily, we are able to find joy in the little things. We've learned to appreciate moments that parents of typical children take for granted and we cling to them. Those are the moments that we live for, the moments that give us the strength to carry on. And we will carry on for we have a purpose...to save our children.

Because of all that you do, Autism Super-Mom, I wish for you an amazing Mother's Day.

Because you are amazing.

May 6, 2007

Things are starting to slow down a little...well, not really. Still gotta figure out Jakob's summer schedule and what we're gonna do about school next year. Stay in kindergarten another year or go on to first grade...not sure yet. There are benefits to both, just gotta decide and commit. August is just so far away and it's impossible to predict where he'll be and what will be best for him. So much of that will depend on his summer schedule and what programs we get him into. So, that's heavy on my mind right now.

I saw a movie today...made me laugh, made me cry. "Snow Cake", starring Sigourney Weaver as a woman with Autism whose daughter is killed in a car accident. Wow, she did an amazing job. I saw some of Jakob in her character...she said so many things that I know Jakob thinks. Made me giggle. Great movie...I highly recommend it. Hopefully, people who see it will get a better idea what Autism is all about.

I love all the attention that Autism has been getting...movies, specials, news segments. Celebrities are coming out and talking about their kids...Toni Braxton, Jenny McCarthy. Awareness, awareness, awareness. Lives of families living with Autism will get better when people understand what our lives are like. Compassion grows from understanding.

I was so excited when News Channel 5 decided to do a story on Autism that featured Jakob. They followed us from school to therapy and back home. It seemed to me that so many of the stories about Autism focus on the sad and scary aspects of the disability. No doubt about it, Autism is very sad and very scary, but I don't want people to be scared or sad when they meet Jakob. I wanted to show the "softer side"...and I think Carolyn and Kurt (producer and photog) did a great job of that. They had over 3 hours worth of video that they had to narrow down to 2 1/2 minutes. Tough editing job...glad I didn't have to do it.

Jakob had an evaluation for an augmentative device last week. Little booger is too smart for his own good. He mastered the two basic models in no time and was well on his way to figuring out the really complicated one. So, of course, that's the one that he needs...the fancy, expensive one. It's called a DynaVox and insurance probably won't pay for any of it (price tag...$7000). I don't exactly have an extra $7000 laying around but I'll figure it out. This thing is unreal...it's basically a small, flat-screen computer that speaks for Jakob. He touches pictures and words and it says the words. He can type words, build sentences, communicate his wants and needs...it's awesome. How can I say "no" to that?? I can't, so it looks like we'll have a DynaVox sometime this summer. I'm excited. Whatever it takes to help Jakob...

I can tell that Jakob's gonna have an interesting summer now that he's getting older and braver. It finally happened...it was inevitable...he decided to let himself out of the fence in the back yard and go for a walk. We got home from school, he went in the back yard and I took his backpack in the house. I checked his backpack for notes from his teachers, poured myself a Mt. Dew and was headed into the back yard when the doorbell rang. It was the neighbor letting me know that Jakob was on his way up the street. A crowd of moms was gathered outside waiting for thier kids to get off the bus but he wasn't stopping for anybody. By the time I caught up with him, he was about 3 houses down. No big deal, no danger. I wanted to live in a neighborhood with lots of kids, far back from the road on a lightly-traveled street since I knew he'd likely make a break for it at some point.

He was funny. When he finally realized that I was coming up behind him, he turned and grinned at me like "Hey Mom, I'm glad you decided to join me". Later that night, we went for another walk and we worked on "stop" and "wait". He's getting it...by the end of the weekend, he never got more than 10 feet in front of me and whenever he did, he stopped on his own. Everytime I told him to "stop", he did and he got really good at "wait". Meanwhile...all the doors are tied shut and I'll be installing new safety devices so he can't get out. Booger.

A short time after his little neighborhood adventure, he fell of a swing. He was trying to adjust his butt in the swing and he let go...oops. He didn't fall far but he did a heckuva back somersalt and landed on his knees. He looked at me and the alligator tears started. He cried for a couple minutes and it was over. He got right back on the swing. No fear...for him anyway. I'm gonna be a nervous wreck, but what can I do...boys will be boys...