Wednesday, November 14, 2007

November 14, 2007...no problem

Welcome back, computer!!

Shortly after I posted yesterday's journal entry, Jakob came up the stairs and immediately asked for it. Not much I could do, he knows I have it. So, the computer is still an issue.

Somewhere in this house I have a timer. Couldn't find the darn thing so I ordered another one. It was the first time I used a 1-800 number in a long time. I would've loved to have ordered it online but my computer is no longer mine. The timer will be here Monday and I'll be setting time limits on his computer usage. Computer + Autism = Bad Idea. At least he's familiar with time limits and even if he doesn't like it, he'll get used to it. But there is coming a day soon, when there will be no computer use at all...as soon as I have all my ducks in a row...new year, new approach.

For now, it's a minor battle. A battle I've been winning every time and I love that. I mean, I'm fair. I let him play with it for plenty of time before I start to shut him down. Tonight, we shut it down twice...once for a bath and once for bed. Each time, I gave him sufficient warning that the end was near and he let me know that he wasn't pleased...usually with a squeal and a swipe across my mouth. He does this thing where he puts his hand over my mouth and wipes it...usually pretty hard. He'll continue with the swiping then throw in a stomping of the feet with squeals and an occasional drop to the knees. Once in awhile, I'll get a laying down on the back with stomping feet. That one is always cute.

No big deal...as long as I don't react. That's the key, ya know...no reaction. A reaction is exactly what he's looking for and if he gets it, the drama will continue. No reaction=no more drama. And when I say no reaction, I mean no telling him "no", no dirty looks, no trying to stop the swiping, no grabbing his hands to make him stop, no laughter...I give him nothing. I'm a rock. The only thing I'll do is offer him up a new activity...tonight is was bath and upstairs movie. He always comes around, even if it takes a couple of minutes. I really enjoy the look on his face when he realizes that all he's trying ain't working. It's this "oh, crap, she's got my number. I may as well give in and do what she wants. It'll be fun too." I always make sure to sell the new activity...gotta make it sound like nothing compares to a bath and a movie in bed.

What an "a-ha moment" it has been to realize how every little thing I do has a profound effect on what he does. Same goes for everyone he comes into contact with. And it's the little stuff that makes as much of a difference as the big stuff. That's why the healing of myself has to come first. If I don't have my act together, Jakob won't get his together. And it's more than lead by example...it's "feel" by example. My anxiety feeds his, my frustration feeds his, my anger feeds his.........my patience feeds his, my understanding and compassion feeds his, my love feeds his. From now on, and I have to feel it to my core or else he knows, he's getting as much patience, understanding, compassion and love as possible. I used to think I already did that...and I did to an extent, but I had a long way to go. It's awesome to be learning more every day and getting better at it.

Computer, smacking me in the mouth, spraying water all over the bathroom...no problem. I got it.

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